Okay, so I didn’t sleep last night. Not one bit.
And not in the fun “Hey yeah woo we were up all night it was crazy!” kind of way. I mean in the excruciating “I’ve been lying here for so long I actually envy the dead” kind of way. If you’ve never done it, I highly recommend you keep it that way. It sucks. It’s not fun.
Although I know I’m not the first person in the world to suffer from any degree of insomnia (nor is this the first time it has ever happened to me), I do find this particular incident noteworthy, because I didn’t have a single constructive thought the entire time.
That’s right. Eight hours of lying dead-still in the dark and not a single thought went through my head, except for “I wish I was asleep I wish I was asleep I whisk a washing sheep”. It eventually became gibberish.
Normally, when I’ve had a rough time sleeping, I’ve at least managed to use the time constructively, and organise any previously unorganised or chaotic thoughts that were bouncing around in my enormous brain. I’ve arranged schedules, designed solutions to problems, or on the very odd occasion, even come up with a joke or two.
I can honestly say last night was the first time in my life that I have wasted an entire eight hour block or time. Eight hours… gone. Done. Dusted. Over. In the past.
I don’t have anything funny to say about it, because I’m so freaking tired now, and not to mention angry. Damn you, brain! Why do you have to be such a dick? Seriously. You couldn’t have at least done something tiny for me during that time? You couldn’t have learned Spanish or mentally solved a hypothetical Rubiks cube or figured out the path to world peace for me? Thanks for nothing, asshole. I don’t know why I still bother carrying you around with me all the time. Deadweight son of a bitch. Free-loading, lazy, good-for-nothing so-and-so.
Oh well, screw it.
Now for some shameless promo stuff.
Brad Zimmerman (that’s me, but I like to do the third-person thing from time to time) will be performing at the following shows in the coming weeks:
24-Nov-11 The Comedy Corner
28-Nov-11 Raw Meat Monday @ The Fringe Bar
15-Dec-11 The Comedy Corner
And don’t forget to catch the hilarious Wilson Dixon (7 Days, NZ Comedy Gala) with James Nokise (NZ Comedy Gala) and Nick Rado (AotearoHa) in Raumati on Thursday December 1st or in Masterton on Friday December 2nd. More info HERE.
And catch Cohen Holloway (Facelift and the movie, Boy) with Jerome Chandrahasen (NZ Comedy Gala) in Upper Hutt on Saturday December 10th. Info HERE.
I’m not going to proof-read this post. I’ll leave that to destiny.