Don’t Read This Post

I’m serious. There’s nothing in this post of any value to anybody. You have absolutely no reason to be reading these words right now.

Did you stop reading yet? No, you didn’t. I can tell.

I’m just posting something because I realised I haven’t posted anything in a week, and that last one was just a quick promo. So if you ignore that post, it’s actually been (what seems like) months since I’ve posted an actual thought.

This post, just in case you haven’t stopped reading yet, contains no actual thoughts. None. Well, I guess it contains the one thought about it containing no thoughts. Which means the thought that there are no thoughts in this post is a lie, as it is actually a thought. You follow me? Good, because I don’t.

What the hell am I talking about? This is very quickly crumbling into something that has even me scrunching up my forehead and wondering what the fuck is going on in my cranium.

So should I make this post about having no thoughts? There’s a subject to write about. No thoughts. It’s a state many guys are familiar with. I don’t think women seem to understand it though. (And yes, I’m about to discuss the difference between men and women… comedy gold).

A question that every woman I’ve ever known seems to have at the tip of their tongue at all times, is “What are you thinking about?” and they never seem to accept my answer of “Nothing”. Because for some reason, I don’t think they believe we men can actually be thinking about nothing. Nothing is what I think 99% of the time. The other 1% I’m thinking about either boobs, video games, or video games with boobs in them. That’s my thought process. Predominantly nothing. But they don’t accept that.

Throughout my life, every time a woman has asked me “What are you thinking about?” and I’ve responded “Nothing”, I’ve been immediately bombarded with follow up questions, probing into what I meant by “Nothing”.

Apparently we can’t be thinking nothing. Apparently, when we say “Nothing” we actually mean “Nothing that I want you to find out about”. So when you tell your wife “Nothing”, she doesn’t hear “Nothing”, she hears “I’m fucking my assistant”.

So that was a little rant that kinda came out of nowhere. Sorry about that. But I did tell you not to read this post. You were warned. It’s your fault now.


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