Garry Trotter…

Think Harry Potter is stupid? Yeah you do. I can tell. Just look at you. You’ve got “Anti-Teenage-Wizardry” written all over your face.

In fact, I can’t believe you haven’t already stormed onto the set of one of these cinematic abominations and set alight all of the insignificant items you can find, like props, costumes, ‘actors’, and parents who live solely through the star-studded success of their children.

I seriously can’t believe you haven’t done that yet. Wow. Great restraint on your part. You get a delicious gingernut biscuit to dip into your hot chocolate. But the hot chocolate’s not free. You have to buy the required hot chocolate-making items, and make it yourself. I’m not your slave. Don’t look at me like that. Okay, fine. I’ll make your hot chocolate. But only because I’m so proud of you. You clever little monkey.

Anyway, you don’t like Harry Potter. I don’t like Harry Potter. We’ve established that. We’re kindreds. We also get together in the weekends and drown ginger kids, but that’s irrelevant… for now.

However, one great thing has arisen from the world’s love of this ridiculous franchise. There is something born of Harry Potter-themed magic and spells and whatnot, but absolutely riddled with ironic mockery, and hilarity to boot. I am, of course, talking about Garry Trotter and the Philosopher’s Whatchamacallit.

A Full-Length Improvised Mockery

The more observant of you will have noticed that the word “Philosopher’s” is spelled incorrectly on the above banner. The rest of you are checking it right now. I see you. Don’t try to be more intelligent than you are. You’ll hurt yourself. But bless your little cotton socks for wanting to be like us smarty-pant people. Self-improvement is good.

However, the spelling error doesn’t matter. What’s important is the fact that this absolutely riotous improvised 90 minute theatrical extravaganza is coming to you as part of the New Zealand Fringe Festival and you should not miss out. Trust me. It’s good.

What’s funnier than wizards who also know how to tend to cattle? Nothing, I tell you. There is nothing funnier than that. Except maybe Daniel Radcliffe having his head stomped by an angry ewe. But I can’t guarantee that will happen. But if we close our eyes and wish hard enough, who knows?

What I can guarantee is there’ll be witches heartily unleashing their cackling laughter upon the theatre rows as these Improv comedy geniuses take to the Circa stage. Warlocks will burst at the sides, sorcerers will roll in the aisles, and muggles will surely chuckle and chortle and scoff and guffaw, at the hilarity unraveling before their very eyes.

Every night will be a completely different tale unfolding, so don’t forget to book tickets for them all! Call Circa Theatre on (04) 801 7992.

For more info about the award-winning Improvisors, click here.

Stand up and unite, people of Wellington, and finally have the courage to yell at the top of your lungs, “Take that Potter, you festering donkey twat!”

I know you’ve been dying to say it.

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