I have taken the plunge and gone ahead with purchasing my own domain. Go me.
Remember when you had to type in www this and slash that and wordpress this and dot this and something else that, well not anymore! Now you can fulfill all your totally awesome Brad Zimmerman daily requirements by simply visiting http://www.bradzimmerman.co.nz
The future is here, ladies and gentlemen. Take that, the past! Yeah. In your face, yesteryear. How does that feel, days gone by? Not so good, I bet. Not so good.
To celebrate the birth of http://www.bradzimmerman.co.nz (I know it has been long awaited, like the pill, or in most third world countries, back alley abortions) you should tell everyone you know about this epic internet event.
Tell your mum. Tell your dad (if you know who your dad is). Tell your neighbour. Tell that guy you used to buy oregano from when you were in high school because you thought it was weed. Remember him? He remembers you, and he will be very angry (and most likely rape you) if you don’t tell him about this site. Rape you… in the face.
You can even tell your grandma. Although I’m pretty sure she’ll just be like “What’s an interweb?” and you’ll be like “Grandma! It’s the internet! And it’s this cool thing with information and pictures and videos.” And she’ll be like “I used to ride a pony when I was a little girl.” And you’ll get all frustrated and put her in a home. It’s for her own good though. This site’s not for her.
You can tell your boss, and he’ll fire you for using the internet during work hours for personal use, but then he’ll hire you back with a huge raise when he realises how awesome http://www.bradzimmerman.co.nz is. Unfortunately, the raise won’t be money. It’ll be a reach-around in his office. But the corporate ladder has got to start somewhere.
I know it’s sexist that I assumed your boss is a man. If you didn’t notice that and/or didn’t care, then well done. You’re a well-balanced human being who doesn’t read too much into things. If you shouted at the top of your lungs “Why does this guy assume my boss is a man?! That is so sexist! I’m a bitch! I hate men and I want to stab people and grow a beard so I don’t live up to the feminine ideals of modern society!” when you read the above comment, then go away. You are stupid and god hates you.
If you read that “God hates you” comment above and got offended, then grow up. There is no god. Unless you count http://www.bradzimmerman.co.nz which I’m sure you all do. If you read the written doctrine of every major religion (and some minor ones) backwards, on your head, with one eye closed, and one hand on your genitals, they all tell you to come to this site. That’s a fact. Looks it up on Wikipedia.
In summary, I now have my own domain and thus, I am very cool. Tell your friends. Make it worth my while. Go on. I know you want to. I can see you shaking your head, asshole. Don’t be a prick just because you feel you should be. Don’t live up to what everyone you’ve ever met thinks of you. Don’t be that guy. Or girl. Or imaginary deity. Or reincarnated goat in a human’s body who acts and thinks and feels and looks like a human but is actually a goat.
Just go to the cupboard, grab a gingernut biscuit, make yourself a hot chocolate (the solution to all of the world’s problems, by the way) and tell every single person you can think of, that http://www.bradzimmerman.co.nz is now up and running.
And now you’re awesome just because you’ve read it. Go you. As a reward for your awesomeness and cooperation, here’s a picture of Superman with down syndrome. I know that’s what you always wanted.