Brad Zimmerman

Hitler did a lot of things. But the most well-known of all of his endeavours, is that he spread a whole lotta hate. I’m talking massive amounts of hate here. This guy was the king of hate. He took hate and he really ran with it.

I, too, spread copious amounts of the wonder-drug called hate, but I’m just a speck of crusty squid-cum in the hate-ocean compared to this dude.

By the way, I’m not condoning the type of hate this guy accomplished (is it alright to call it an accomplishment? Ah who cares, I’m going to hell anyway… psych there is no hell. Stupid Christians), in fact some of it, I gotta admit, was a teeny bit over the top. I mean, hating someone because of their race? That’s just silly, Mr. Hitler. You can’t hate someone because of their race. They didn’t choose their race, so you’re just being a poopoohead.

Hating someone because of the choices they make is where the real money is. I mean, Jews didn’t choose to be Jews (that’s a fun sentence to say over and over out loud on a train until you get arrested), so don’t be hatin’ on the Jews. Don’t be hatin’ on any race. That’s weak shit.

That emo kid down your street chose to be a little faggy cry-baby shithead, so go ahead and hate the shit outta him. That guy who cut you off in traffic on your way to work (you know the guy I mean) chose be an asshole, so hate his stupid ugly face (and his moustache, am I right ladies? Yeah I’m right).

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that, I gotta step up my game. I’m not hating nearly enough. I gotta hate harder, faster, and more frequently than ever before.

It is for this reason,  that I am now embarking on a hate-campaign with a bit of structure. Before, I injected your world wide face with teeny (you just noticed that’s the second time I’ve said ”teeny” in this thing… I smell a pedo)  weeny (haha… weeny) little bits of hate, in irregular, infrequent doses and quite frankly, it’s not enough.

I have let myself, and I have let the hating community down. I apologise for my past failures, and now I proudly introduce to you…

THE WEDNESDAY HATE!

A tiger that loves little boys! That's not creepy...

It’s Wednesday, so here’s this week’s Wednesday Hate. You know what I hate? This is the part where you say “What, Brad? Tell us what you hate.” And then I say “I hate…” and then I come up with something that really annoys me, and that the world would be better off without…

Unfortunately, I chose a really bad time to start the Wednesday Hate, because today I’m feeling relatively hate-free. I mean, yeah I could always rant like a crazy person about the usual terrible terrible things (i.e. Beyonce, Twilight, Lady Gaga, Jersey Shore, Polly Gillespie, etc. etc. blah blah you’ve heard it all before), but you deserve better.

Come to think of it, I hate myself right now, for not having something worthy of our prize-winning hatred. Seriously, what an asshole I must be. I made you read this whole damn crappy thing about hate, and at the end there isn’t even some piece of shit thing, sitting here waiting for our well-deserved hatred.

I gotta say, the first ever Wednesday Hate was a huge let down.

You know what I hate? The Wednesday Hate. That’s what I hate. Hopefully, in the coming weeks, it will redeem itself. But at the moment, it’s a massive disappointment, like your life, or like that girl you took home the other night with the crabs and the dodgy stains in her underwear. Seriously, what were you thinking? She was nasty from the get-go. I’m not even sure she was a girl, dude. Sucks to be you right now.

Dick.

And now for a completely unrelated, but absolutely essential Gingernuts reference.