Aviators: The Official Douchebag Uniform
Are you a pilot? Have you ever flown a plane? Do you think you ever will fly a plane? No? Then take your aviators off, you horrible, horrible douchebag tool.
Is there a worse plague on humanity than modern “fashion”? Who are you to tell me that aviator sunglasses are cool and, if I don’t wear them, I don’t belong out in public? Who are you to dictate the way the rest of the world should look?
By the way, I don’t actually know who I’m asking these questions to since, unfortunately, there isn’t just one person responsible for infecting the world with the rules we should all abide by when dressing ourselves. I wish there was just one person, the Self-appointed Sultan of fashion, who was the supreme overlord of our wardrobes, because then I could hunt them. For sport. Not for fur. Because apparently fur isn’t in right now. Or is it? I don’t know. You don’t know either. Nobody knows. It’s like some kind of sudoku with none of the numbers to start you off.
I look so good, I'ma get my lean on.
The thing I hate the most is when people who do (some of them religiously) follow the “rules of fashion”, tell people who don’t follow, that they’re “out of touch” or “not cool” or “not hip” or whatever the nifty kids say these days. The term used to describe us not-cooley-pants people is “Fashion Victim”.
Fashion victim. Are you serious? Because I choose not to get in line behind a million societal sheep and pay disgustingly over-the-top prices for a shirt that you’re convinced is the greatest thing in the world ever but looks suspiciously like something I saw a year ago on a “bargain rack” at a local outlet store, you’re calling me a victim?
Obviously your “stylish” aviator sunglasses (oh I think I need serious medical assistance because the sarcasm is tearing my loins asunder) disallow you to see the irony of the insult you’ve just given me.
You, my dear tool, are the victim. Fashion has you by the balls and you’re getting lovingly scrotum-massaged towards mediocrity. Well done, douchebag. Now go somewhere and die. No gingernut biscuits for you.
I totally think you need more popped-collars in this photo – it will help with your looking like a douchebag-tool for sure! If it works for America…
Yeah I definitely think this guy could be made even more douchey… we have the technology.
The thing that sucks about aviators is that in 2002 I found a pair of them, and at the time you just didn’t see aviators on a person younger than 45, at least on the west coast. Anyway I didn’t and still don’t give a shit about fashion. They were nice sunglasses, had good lenses so I wore them. Now every douche wears aviators, they are a staple of the frat boy.
Who knows, maybe I started it Suffice to say I no longer wear them.
Maybe you did start it, Mike… good thing you’ve learned your lesson now though.
Pretty much any fuckwit who watches “Jersey Shore” on purpose, LOVES aviators.